What a week!

What a week. I've had quite a few days full of bad luck. To begin with I had a friend over from work on Sunday night and she had to leave so I walked her to her car which is parked next to mine. So we're talking and she looks past me and is like oh my god morgan is your window broken? I'm like what?! Sure enough it was, the drivers side front window was completely busted out. My radar detector, my cell phone and a little later I realized my credit card also. I know I know you never leave a cell phone and a credit card in your car but I had been talking and just not paying attention. So I called the cops and had them do a police report and the cop was awesome and was young so that made me feel comfortable.
Then the next night I chipped my tooth on a nectarine seed, I don't even know how that's possible but it did. My front tooth too, luckily I already have an appointment to repair some cavities.

Then the next morning I was taking my grandma to the doctor after sleeping maybe 2 hours? And so I'm like not with it completely and I end up getting a speeding ticket for ghoing 80 in a 65. So this all sucks, and I know it all means something. All a sign to get my butt together and be thankful for the positives and keep going. This is a motivation for me. I am thankful for the nice police officers during my report and my ticket. I'm thankful that I got a ticket for speeding because I will go the speed limit now and not be so hazardous to others nor myself. I know now that I need to up my calcium and take better care of myself as well as my teeth. I'm thankful that my insurance covered the repair to my window. All things happen for a reason.

I've become very motivated by these events somehow. I know that I can get through tough shitty times and that eventually everything will be okay. I'm thankful for the people around me and that we are all safe. And I just know I'm going to tackle school in 25 days and that I'm going to have to work hard at school for the results I want and to be able to up my sat scores when I go to retake them. I know I'm going to get to a university and that I will be alright all along the way.

My Love Affair with the Texas Sky

I, as a Texan, have a acquired a love of the Texas sky. Pictures never do it justice for the way the colors of yellows, oranges, and pinks, and sometimes purple and red play along with each other and the clouds. I never knew how much I really do love the sky until I traveled to New Mexico one spring break. If you have ever been then you might have noticed the solid hazy blue sky that constantly hovers over the state. Nothing compared to Texas. The whole time while I was there, there wasn't one cloud. Not one. I found myself longing for these Texas skys and was so relieved once I returned home. Life wasn't as brillant without it.

The War with Weight

I have been battling. War for half my life now. More often than not the fat wins. I started gaining weight around the third grade. My first memory and realization that I wasn't myself anymore, that I was more was when I was in the fourth grade. I really don't remember having a flat stomach. That must be because I didn't even notice my weight. It wasn't something I was even aware of, but then on my first day back to school of forth grade year some angry lanky white boy, a year ahead of me, slammed into my shoulder that morning and slammed the words "move it fatty" into my ears and into my brain. I'm not sure if it was the disgust in his voice or the throbbing pain in my shoulder that made those words sink in and had myself looking down at my tummy thinking I'm fat? I'm disgusting? But it happened and it changed my perspective of my body for the rest of my life.

Later, I became friends with that angry lanky white boy who was no longer a year ahead of me in grades, he had failed his fourth grade year and became stuck with his sister in my grade. Even later still, that boy apologized for that day, for his words and his physical actions, and I could tell he really meant it from deep down. However, I've been chubby ever since, never knowing the body of my dreams that I watched most of the girls at school in.

Tonight, while watching Teal Scott's Youtube videos, I saw she had made one about losing weight. Just as all her other videos do, she intrigued me and I decided to follow her advice. Don't resist the weight. Find ways to love yourself and make yourself happy and your body will conform to that happiness and will shed your weight because that's what makes you happy. Go watch her video, she explains it much better.

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=wzJiMp-P_lY

To follow her advice, I went and turned on my stereo and just started dancing for fun, because it felt good and it made me happy. What made me even happier was knowing the added bonus of the physical activity, that this dancing was helping me lose weight and get back into shape. I only lasted 20 minutes, but that's not bad just starting back. I would've been happy with any time length because of how good it felt.
Small steps at a time, they multiply and become big steps.

"Black Burned Needle" is the name I thought up about a year ago for an online Etsy shop I have been wanting to start. I'm sure that shows just how much of a procrastinator I am. I also started a blog a few different times, each time they ended up getting hit by the delete button or just completely forgotten altogether. However, I'm back here again. There must be something my heart craves for in writing. I haven't written anything of substance since I deleted my posts on this very same blog about a year ago. Writing, as well as, some other forms of my self expression became something I began to repress because of a self awareness I was needed-ly forced into, but now I'm back after a year of self re-evaluation.

The now purpose of this blog is not a diary, but a true journal which is meant only to be a catalog of my learning, my thoughts and anything else that may apply to my spiritual path and my life path. Writing is something my soul needs, craves. As a Gemini, I crave to create and learn. It's a natural state.

I have believed that everything happens for a reason and will continue to believe that throughout my life. Even death finds a way to be majorly purposeful. Despite the unwanted property of death, death is maybe the most purposeful throughout life. The purpose, I believe, is not found through the actual death of a person or animal, but the effect of that death on the people surrounding the soul who was lost. In this current case of myself being effected by death, it is not of someone who I even met but have come to have wished I had the chance to meet, the soul of  Travis Alexander.

After watching parts of the trail of Jodi Arias and after watching the Lifetime movie Jodi Arias: Dirty Little Secret in which it is easy to love Travis, I became repulsed by the constant theme of death and really wanted to enjoy the memories of Travis' life instead of hearing the horror of his death. In Google-ing him, I found his legacy website that his friends and family had put together. They currently have some quotes from Travis, and a few paragraphs of Travis describing himself that was taken from his Myspace page. In those few paragraphs, Travis made me laugh quite a few times and in turn I too couldn't help but mourn for him and feel his loss.

I initially Googled him to try to find his steps of success that were referenced in the Lifetime movie, but I haven't come across them yet. Those sort of captivated me as the actor introduced the first step as Travis would have, always make goals. I did come across his blog though, it's not a lot of posts but each one is substantial. Travis is truly motivating, and that's what I as well as many others need, motivation. Travis spoke of living the life you want and making each day amazing because they are numbered. He also talked of self improvement. So potentially you can see what I meant by everything happens for a reason even though the act could be a great sacrifice.